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Archive for May 24th, 2012

Spanish scanner loves green sweater

Posted in Fun on May 24, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Question: How do you make a green sweater disappear before your very own eyes?

One method of securing your possessions from airport security scanners

Answer: Very easily. Follow this simple recipe. Place your sweater in one grey, dry, plastic security tray. Then place the tray firmly on a scanner conveyor belt, preferably at Palma Mallorca Airport. Add one dose of thorough frisking by airport security staff as your sweater gently feeds into the scanner’s bowels. Wait 30 seconds to let things simmer and Abracadabra! Your green sweater has gone! Consumed by the scanner – it never emerges from the other side.

But the fun doesn’t stop there. Now you have to make yourself understood by Spanish airport staff. Try explaining to them that you are waiting for something that never appears. You can’t! They don’t understand English and you can’t speak Spanish. No attempts at waving your arms in circular orangutan-like motions will inform them of your cause. It is at times like these when you discover that there is no international symbol for ‘sweater’. Only those of you that regularly play charades at dinner parties will succeed in explaining your problem. I must make a note to accept more invitations to dinner parties.

I stood and waited stubbornly, only to have Spanish airport security usher me along impatiently. I finally reported my loss to the Information Desk who duly noted my problem and diligently shrugged their shoulders.

But that’s not the end of the fun. Eventually, several weeks later, I received a long letter in Spanish from Palma Mallorca Airport, suggesting I send them an email to report the problem! Surely it’s reported, otherwise how did the letter find its way to me?

Let’s hope their airport security department is more efficient than their lost and found department. I can only hope my green sweater has found a home with some deserving soul.

In stark contrast, when returning from visiting my family in Paris last weekend, I entrusted another sweater to a scanner in Charles de Gaulle airport. My faith was restored. Three metres later, I was able to retrieve all of my possessions. The French appear to feed their scanners more regularly than the Spanish. You can always trust the French with food.

A tale of two cities!!!

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Macbeth toiling with Hamlet?

Posted in Politics, Uncategorized on May 24, 2012| 2 Comments »

Macbeth and Hamlet – stars of a new tragedy in the making?

Could their common journeys, both starting with a supernatural event and ending in blood, death and tears be an omen for the proposed redrawing of the United Kingdom’s traditional boundaries? Are we really about to roll back centuries of history to a time when the Vikings ruled the Highlands, but this time  under the guise of a new Scottish and Scandinavian economic community?

If the Scottish National Party (SNP) strategists get their way, we could be.

The birth of a new economic community?

They plan to shift Scotland’s focus away from England towards the Nordic countries in the event of a successful referendum on independence. It’s a plan that will surely please the Scottish nationalists of the east, but likely dismay the Union faithful. Is there a risk of rift within Scotland itself? Let’s hope this is a tragedy that only Shakespeare could devise.

To me, these SNP plans make no sense – even though Scandinavians and Scots share a dark sense of humour, long dark nights and the proximity of Scotland’s Presbyterian heritage and Scandinavia’s Lutheran tradition. Not forgetting of course that it was the Viking invasion that provoked the formation of the independent kingdoms of England and Scotland in the first place through conquest, extortion and expulsion!

Not all Scot’s feel there is a bond with the Norsemen towards the east. Western Scot’s feel deeper ties with their Gaelic heritage stemming from Ireland.

Something tells me there is a subplot to all of this.

But do the Scandinavians really need Scotland?

The Scandinavians are wealthy, have resources and govern superbly. Life expectancy is above average.

Sweden has a population of over 9 million with an economy largely driven by exporting goods such as petroleum, iron, steel and paper.

Norway looks very similar, with its population of 4.9 million, enjoying one of the highest standards of living and lowest unemployment rates in the world. Today it is amongst the world’s largest exporters of fuel products, which explains why it remains largely unscathed by the recent financial crisis. What to do with their wealth is one of the country’s most contentious political issues. Some want more of it to be used to fund infrastructure and others to invest for future generations… a nice problem to have.

To an outsider like me, Scandinavia does not need Scotland and its population of 5 million. Yes, its oil, whiskey, textile, agriculture, hydropower and water exports appear enticing at first glance, but its high unemployment and pensioner demographic seem more troublesome. Norway is only Scotland’s 6th largest exporting partner, whereas the UK is Norway’s largest exporting partner. There is a lot at stake if the apple cart tips over.

Or could it be that freeing themselves from the Parliamentary shackles of British law lords would let the SNP do ‘other business’ such as the deal with PetroChina at Grangemouth? Who knows where it would all lead.

Will Scotland say ‘No’ to England?

I believe most Scots are canny, strong-minded and believe in the cultural diversity that bonds these island nations together. They view it as a source of strength rather than weakness.

And just imagine the Union Flag without St. Andrew? What a shame that would be…

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